The flowerpot journal of Useless
Useless is the network’s eraser-in-residence. This time it has been left under an upturned flowerpot with a notebook and strict instructions not to poke anything. Every fact in here has been checked by someone more qualified, i.e. anyone.
- Day 1
Snails eat with a ribbon covered in tiny teeth that works like sandpaper. I am also a bit like sandpaper. Nobody has ever asked me to lunch. checked
- Day 2
Slug blood is pale blue. I am pink and blue all over, and nobody makes a fuss about it. checked
- Day 3
The fastest slug was recorded at 17.6 metres an hour. I was once recorded going under a radiator in two seconds. Nobody wrote it down. checked
- Day 4
Snail slime acts like a liquid when pushed slowly and a solid when pushed fast. I act like an eraser whatever you do. checked
- Day 5
When it’s too dry, snails go into a sleep-like rest. I do the same thing every school holiday. checked
- Day 6
Leopard slugs eat the rope of slime they hung from, on the way back up. I have never eaten anything, which is probably for the best. checked
- Day 7
The ghost slug eats earthworms like spaghetti. I eat pencil marks like nothing at all. Nobody is impressed. checked
- Day 8
A slug can have up to 8,000 teeth. I have none, and I still get blamed for chewed pencils. checked
- Day 9
Snails pull back into their shells if a shadow falls on them. I hide in the pencil case when the maths homework comes out. checked
- Day 10
Some slugs climb trees in the evening and come down in the morning looking shrivelled. I know exactly how they feel. checked